Thursday, October 22, 2009

An update...

Salam semua...

I just realized that it has been quite sometime i tak post new news. Actually ada banyak sangat cerita, kadang2 sambil2 membasuh, masak etc, ada je ayat2 yang terlintas, but then, every time on je comp, dah lewat, mata pun dah layu. End up reading friend's blogs ;p

So, since my husband is not around, i have plenty of time to update my blog :)
This post sepatutnya been posted on 20th of Oct, tapi that night, 9.30 my husband dah ajak tidur, terbantut semuanya ;p ok, here it goes. and please, could you just imagine that its 20th Oct, can ye...

20th October 2009

At 7.30pm, while we were having our dinner, my husband just popped up a question.
My husband: Yang, do you remember what day is today?
Me : hmmmm... hari apa (inside, i was truing soooo hard to remember what kind of anniversary yang i terlupa, though i never did)
My husband: On this day, last year, i went to Japan.

So, there i was, thinking a lot of things... This date actually reminded me of few important things...
  • My husband went to Japan, for two months, and actually, before 20th, he was not around for three weeks since he was quarantine di Pusat Rakan Muda Puchong, luckily sepang-puchong took only about 30 mins, so for three weeks, i went to see him di puchong. Usually, i bring dinner, kami makan sama2. Even during that three weeks, it was soo tough, seeing him, when you know he will be away soon, really kills me. Dunno why, but emotionally, i was soo weak. Bila jumpa je, mesti rasa nak nangis. Really not me... I still remember, one particular evening, i brought kuehtiow goreng+telur mata kerbau (his fav), bila nak makan, abanf tiup kuehtiow tu, sebelum suap dalam mulut. I saw it few times, before i decided to ask him the purpose. "Kenapa abang tiup? kan dah sejuk, i bawak dari rumah". His answer made me crying so bad. He said " I macam teringat tengah makan di rumah". Hehe, sekarang bila ingat balik pun rasa sedih. I know that time, i have to be strong, stronger when he's not around, tapi emosi macam tak boleh dikawal, bercampu baur. I did realized, ada few times, mata my husband pun berkaca2, macam nak nangis pun ada. That time, i realized, dia tersepit antara kerjaya n leaving me alone, and that time also, i realized, abang memang sayangkan i...
  • 20th Oct 2008, all the unstable emotions, cenggeng and perasaan yang bercampur baur tu was explained by a simple UPT test, i was pregnant!!! I had a hunch that morning, before meeting my husband at the airport, i took one UPT yang memang dalam simpanan, check and the, double line :) lupa sekejap perasaan sedih. So i went to KLIA, saw him and moments before he boarded the plane, i handed him a box, containing the UPT result (basuh2 sket la...). He was puzzled at first, but after a simple explaination, he hugged me closely, he was soo happy. I know i am.
  • Mungkin Tuhan berikan berita gembira, untuk menutu satu kesedihan. Di saat i was soo depressed, Tuhan berikan satu keajaiban, to make me stronger.
  • Whenever we had the chance o talk, sms or skype, abang mesti tanya pasal baby. Antara ayat2 yang tak boleh lupa, "Tak sabar nak balik, nanti nak usap2 perut you", I rindu sangat dengan you, rindu kari you, tak sabar nak tengok baby". Being alone, handling few big responsibilities di saat2 yang kritikal begini, memang susah, ihad to travek sometime, ipof to sepang to sabak bernam, plus i gantikan kawan jaga exam SPM causes me to lose the baby. A month after my husband left, i had another miscarriage. Sebenarnya, nak beritahu my husband pun rasa berat je. I was risau, sebab takut dia terganggu. So i kept it a secret for few days before telling him. I know he is sad, not only because hilangnya bakal zuriatnya, also because he was not there for me, taking care of me. When i first had a miscarriage, abang la orang yang tolong jerangkan air panas untuk bertungku, and etc.

But anyway, mungkin bukan rezeki kami. Ada banyak sebab kenapa ini berlaku, dan sebagai hambaNya, kami hanya mampu berserah, mungkin belum tiba giliran kami.

Thats all for now, suddenly rasa sedih pulak, teringatkan cerita tahun lepas


8 comments:

  1. sedihnya baca cerita inda ni. im spechless and dunno what should i say to you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Inda,
    Insya Allah, 1 hari nanti.
    Nuurill sentiasa doakan.
    Just be strong, don't give up and keep it that way.

    For 'them' who you missed, they're waiting for you in front of Pintu Syurga.
    Subhanallah......

    ReplyDelete
  3. apsal options reaction tu takde box to tick for "empathy" ek?

    shidah memang tak lalui tu semua tapi bila baca, memang sayup hati. anita mui sekejap.

    sabar ek. Allah dah susun semua cerita kita dengan seindahnya. kita je tak tahu kita guna skrip mana.. kalu skrip norhayati berahim, nangis di sepanjang cerita untuk bahagia di akhirnya.. itu lebih baik, kan?

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  4. i still remembered dear, the day you shared the sad news...

    nadia tau inda kuat, sbb itu inda insan terpilih nak dapat ujian ini. insyaAllah, ade hikmah yg istimewa disebaliknya. Allah knows best. In the mean time, make the best out of every moments you two have, puas2. Bila dh ber3 nanti, dh limited masa utk itu :)

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  5. this entry make me cry..seriously...especially about the miscarriage coz i also had faced it before i got my damia...
    Takpe inda, dugaan tu..akan ada rezeki inda nanti..mcm wani dulu pon sama.2x miscarriage.bila teringat mmg sedih..lepas setahun lebih miscarriage baru pregnantkan damia..mmg terasa lama bg kita yg mengalami..jgn jemu berusaha dn setiasa meminta padaNya.Insyaalah....i better stop now sblm ofismate tegur.(airmataku menitik2 xberhenti ni..kalau bab2 ni mmg terasa sgt)

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  6. Sabar ye Inda..setiap yg blaku pasti ada hikmah-Nya..
    Maybe rezeki2 yang lain dulu datang buat Inda berdua suami-isteri, insya Allah rezeki baby aakan menyusul juga soon.:)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sedih baca citer ni..sampai akak menangis..

    sabar la linda.kita mesti ingat setiap sesuatu yg berlaku adalah dugaan dr allah..allah juga x berikan dugaan kpd org yg x mampu menanggungnya.linda mampu hadapi dugaan ni..linda mesti ingat tu. mungkin masa tu allah tau linda sorang & x mampu hadapi saat2 pregnant sorang tanpa suami di sisi.masa blum sesuai & mengizinkan..

    akak spatutnya bersyukur dpt kembar ni sdgkan org lain tertunggu2 nak dpt zuriat..kepenatan melayan karenah kembar membuatkan akak kdg2 jd pemarah,hlg sabar & mcm2 lg la..fawwaz jd mangsa marah akak..

    Nway linda, banyakkan bersabar..Allah sentiasa bersama org2 yg sabar..
    -Kenal tak akak?-

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  8. kak aya...

    hehe, thanks for those words...

    ReplyDelete